Along with all the paperwork we filled out, we had to answer questions regarding the child we wish to have placed with us. Gender, race, exposure to drugs/alcohol, birth mom mental, physical and criminal history, birth father mental, physical and criminal history, exposure to STD's...so many options. Really?!?!? We just want a baby! On a serious note though, we took the time to carefully answer the questions. Do we want a boy or a girl? Either. Race? No preference. exposure to drugs and alcohol? We went with mild to moderate. Mental, physical and criminal history? We noted no preference, the baby will be more a product of nurture than nature. Exposure to STD's? We opted not to go with HIV/AIDS, just because we have to consider Killian, Keagan and Brooke, and we aren't willing to expose them to a disease like that.
With all our answers, the agency coded us, which means the pregnancy counselors know which match letters to present based on the circumstances of the birth family. Honestly, with our answers, matching us should be fairly easy. We are open to lots of situations. Usually you don't know when you are being presented to a birth family, but there are always situations that change the rules.
We got a call from our worker, there was a birthmom in the office and they wanted to know if we were interested in being presented. My initial reaction was YES!! PRESENT US!! But after getting the facts, talking to Joe, crying on my mom's shoulder, doing research and wrestling with God, we came to the conclusion that we wouldn't be capable of providing for all the special needs associated with that baby.That was a horribly hard realization. We were not prepared at all to say no, but in the end, we had to do what was best for the baby. Sadly, the baby wasn't expected to live for very long after birth.
We continued to wait, and wait and wait...then we got another call asking if we were interested in being presented. It was another special circumstance situation, in which our coding didn't quite match, but our caseworker thought we would be interested. We got the facts, did research, prayed and decided that YES, we wanted to be presented!! It felt so right and we really thought it would be a match. After a long weekend, and reading a post on facebook from a fellow adoptive mom with the agency, I knew we were not chosen. Joe called our worker to confirm, we were devastated, but kept moving forward.
Again, we got a call. What is going on?!?!?! Pretty much without thought we said yes, present us! That was on a Thursday, we were told the family would make a decision by Tuesday. WE were super excited, she was due any day, a little girl! Come Tuesday the phone rang, it was the agency, my heart stopped.She asked how I was? I replied, well, it depends on what you have to tell me. She told me that a match was made, but not with our family. DEVASTATION!! I was thankful to be home alone that day, I spent a great deal of time crying and grieving.
We decided that we really don't want to know when we are presented, its just too hard to accept the rejection. But honestly, if our worker called right now and asked if we wanted to be presented, we would say yes.
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