Update on Anna/Rachel

Out of the blue she contacted us again to say that she is having a girl. She decided to find out because another family wanted to know. I asked her to send a picture of the ultrasound. She agreed but said she would be blacking out the private information on the image. WHAT?!?!
She never did send the image. She just changed the subject and asked what our pastor thinks if our plan to adopt. Rather than get into it with her, I simply said, we really need to work through the agency. No reply...imagine that.

Crushed

We got an email from a second expectant mom, due in late July. How exciting, we could possibly adopt a baby due in late April then three months later another baby!!! Only something didn't feel right. The first mom, Annam shared lots of info and seemed very genuine. The second mom, Rachel, didn't communicate as frequently so we didn't know much about her.
Anna asked us early on if we would be willing to compromise on names, of course. Rachel asked us if we had a name and we shared the name. She then told us the names she liked-nothing remotely close to ours. That night I felt led to ask Anna what names she had in mind since she wanted to know if we would compromise. Yup, she named OUR name! HUGE RED FLAG! I tried to reason it away and make light if the "coincidence", however, it kept niggling at the back of my mind.
That night-Monday, I decided to do some online sleuthing. First I tried googling both names, nothing. So I went to trusty old Facebook (HAHA, trusty). I wasn't able to find Anna, but to my astonishment, I found Rachel-with Anna's picture and pictures of her son and it said she lives in Oklahoma. WHAT?!?!?!?!?
I asked Anna about it, but was vague, I never mentioned Rachel or Facebook. Anna explained that Rachel is her sister, and she must have contacted us because apparently she is pregnant and placing too. Hmmm, fishy, very very fishy! I accepted her answer though, but was very guarded.
The next day we contacted our CW for help, but of course she was out of the office.
Back to Facebook! I went to one of the adoption sites and mentioned that I felt like we were in a scammer situation. A fellow mom asked me for the names involved so she could research on a yahoo scam board. In the meantime another mom sent me the link to join the yahoo page as well. The first fellow mom emailed me quite quickly with the information she found-Anna and Rachel and the same person, and it is indeed a scam. I guess she was kicked off of the adoptimist web page several times but keeps changing her name to regain access.
I called Anna out on this new revelation, she replied with, "I'm glad you think I'm a liar". I didn't say that. Before I could respond, Rachel sent a message saying she was so sorry, she was just trying to sabotage Anna because she didn't want her to place her baby, and we shouldn't be mad at Anna. I replied to both messages stating that we would be happy to work through the agency if everything truly is legit.
We left a message for our CW right away.
I talked to our CW and explained everything, she said it definitely sounds like a scam and there had been some red flags on their end as well. She would keep me updated.
Wondering why she would scam us-she didn't ask for money. Accirding to our CW & people from the adoption community, scammers like the power and control and just enjoy causing emotional trauma. UGH!
Rather than be angry, we have decided that we will pray for Anna, or whatever her name is. We will use this as a learning experience and a tool to help us grow and stretch in our faith. It's definitely hard, but really what other choice do we have? Being angry and having animosity takes up so much more energy than I am willing to expel on this situation. Moving on....
Yeah, moving on, until I got an email from my CW. Apparently Anna contacted them again and said that someone contacted us using her picture and that her name is on a watch list but she still wants to match with us. First of all, nobody contacted us with her picture, I found that through my snoopy nature and second, I told her that she had to know that the adoption community was talking about her name-so she still wasn't honest with the pregnancy worker. The agency is proceeding with extreme caution. We will not be communicating with Anna or Rachel unless it is through the agency.

Blessings

For Christmas I asked for The Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson. It's a tiny book, written about a powerful prayer in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. Basically it is a bold prayer cried out by Jabez, a prayer asking God to abundantly bless him, walk with him, expand his borders and keep him far from evil- and God does so! This book challenges the reader to take a bold stand and ask the same things of God. Well, after reading the book, I dared to stand before God and ask Him to bless me, to walk with me, open my horizons and keep my path straight. I did so with an expectant heart and He answered!
We got an email from a girl who is about 5 months pregnant and considering adoption. She found our profile on adoptimist.com. She isn't working with an agency at the moment. So I emailed her back and we have spent the past three days in communication via email. We have talked about all sorts of things, from hobbies to being present during birth. She has contacted our agency and is getting set up with a pregnancy worker. Now of course I know that this does not mean that she is ready to make an adoption plan and that she may decide to look at another family, but in the mean time this is exciting news. I know that God has answered my prayers, what His will is, I am yet to find out, but until then, I plan to show her God's love and be a support system to her.
So, there you have it...a bold, deliberate prayer answered loud and clear. Never underestimate what our God can and will do when we just submit to Him.

Other opportunities

We contacted Renee, our CW and made some changes to our child desired form. We are open to more drug/alcohol exposure, mental illnesses and criminal history (conception by rape). Maybe that will help us get matched.

We also submitted our profile to three birth moms:
California, baby was already born. He had DS, full Chinese (ADORABLE). A CA family was given priority, so we were not matched. But the family that was chosen, seems like a great family. I read their blog. They have 8 other children, mostly adopted. 
 Michigan, due March 19. We along with one other family were presented to her last Friday. However, other families have come forward wanting to be presented so she needs to look over those profiles before making a decision. Hopefully she will have narrowed it down at least by next week. She is having a girl. Alcohol and drug exposure has been slightly significant and will more than likely leave the baby with some FAS.
A mom in New Jersey due January 27. AA/Caucasian girl. No drug/alcohol exposure. We had to submit an application, send our match letter and jump through a few hoops. Got an email yesterday, all our info was being sent to the "outreach" worker and she would be in touch. Not sure if we will be presented for this situation.

We created an online profile with myadoptionagencies.com. They work with several agencies across the nation, so now we are exposed to even more potential EM's.

All we can do is continue to put ourselves out there, pray and lean on God.

Craigslist

I know it sounds odd, but yep, we have been posting on Craigslist. I read lots of different success stories and apparently that is the direction the adoption world is moving.

We were leery, but figures its worth a shot. So we posted a few ads on CL, just saying we are looking to grow our family through adoption and asking the EM to contact us for a link to our web page.

We created a web page with lots of pictures of the two of us along with information and facts about our lives. We also noted our desire to have an open adoption and that we are open to gender, race, ethnicity... For the kids and the dog, we used silhouette images and very vague non-identifying information. Basically, we just put that they are between the ages of 8-15 and some general interests, traits and hobbies. I don't want some weirdo whack job creeper looking at my kids. I did explain that while we are striving to be transparent, we are also very protective of our family. We are happy to share some info on our children, but until we develop a relationship, we will keep their names and images private.

Anyway, we GOT A HIT!!! A 23 year old girl who is living at home with her parents trying to raise three kids. The father of the kids is in prison, she got pregnant with another guy and doesn't want the first guy to know. I emailed back and forth with her, but she kept coming back to the same subject-money.  She wanted to get out on her own and was hoping that by making an adoption plan, she would be able to do so. I explained what I knew about birth mom expenses and told her that everything would go through the agency. I also asked how she would support herself and children after the baby was born. She didn't want to work, she just wanted a free ride. Hmm, alarms went off, but I kept talking to her. She sent a picture of herself and kids, but it didn't add up, so I got nosey and went looking on Facebook. BAM, found her! Totally not pregnant, not even a mom. UGH, a scam. :( She never emailed back after I said that the agency wouldn't provide 100% living expenses.

We posted more ads, but all the ads here in AZ were being flagged and deleted-we think by the one other family that was placing similar ads in the area. Guess they didn't want any "competition". LOL!

Not to worry, we didn't give up. We posted more ads, and got another hit, but she was looking for a Latino family. OK, discouraged, but not devastated-more ads. Another hit! This time she asked for a link to our site, no word back. Keep posting, another hit....not as excited, but still hopeful. I sent her our link and some words of encouragement....no reply.

We will keep trying....

Foster kiddos

So there is a little girl in foster care that is pulling on my heart strings. She is an adorable three year old with some developmental delays. I saw her picture about a week ago and I can't stop thinking about her. I finally told Joe and showed him her picture. Of course, being the big softie that he is, he would love to adopt her and make our family hers. :)

What do we need to do? Not sure, so we call Tandie (this is the call that we found out we have another new CW). She is super helpful and gets us the information. In order to adopt out of the state, we would need to take 10 weeks worth of classes, no problem, then apply and see if the state feels we are an appropriate match, ok we can do that, then if we are chosen, she would come home with us and we would start the adoption process. First we would be in a waiting period to make sure she adjusts and we are a match. (Apparently, you can return a child like a pair of jeans??-not cool). Anyway, if the state feels we are a match and she adjusts well, then we can proceed to adopt her.The finalization takes roughly 6-8 months. After that we would be able to go back into the match book and wait for a match.

Or, we can wait until we are matched with our newborn, finalize the adoption and after the baby is 9 months old we can pursue adopting an "older child".

WHAT A CROCK! There are so many children waiting for homes, for forever families, but all the state seems to care about is making you jump through hoops. I am dumbfounded, flabbergasted, irritated beyond words. Dang it, we are a great family, we have the room, the resources, the hearts for children...but the state would rather these kids stay in the system.

After prayerfully considering our options, we have decided that we are not going to pursue the foster adoption situation. Not right now anyway.

A Year

We started our adoption journey in November of 2011, well, we started making plans anyway. We started with research and all that jazz, presented the idea to the kids...we didn't find our agency and official begin the process until the first check was written--December 15, 2011. I thought for sure the process would be quick and relatively simple. I mean, we are a pretty awesome family, we have lots to offer, love, compassion, fun, faith, laughter, adventure.....I was determined that as soon as we went into the match book, we would be matched. I rushed through everything, the classes, the home study, I stayed über busy. AS the clock ticked closer to our letter being put into the match book, and receiving our licensing from the state, my heart began to race and my excitement peaked. I barely hesitated buying little things for the baby. At first I tried to take it easy and just wait, for crying out loud, we didn't know if we would have a boy or a girl and I do NOT want to dress a baby in the wrong gender clothing, but waiting took too long. So, I went gender neutral, we picked up a swing, a play pen, a crib, a car seat, a few basics, cloth diapers, some bottles. Knowing there wasn't much more to buy, we waited and waited and well, we are still waiting.

Let me tell you, the wait is the hardest part of this process. At first, I wouldn't leave a room without attaching my phone to my body, I couldn't bare the idea of missing "the call", however, as time is passing, I am starting to inch further and further away from my phone. I don't jump and hold my breath when it rings, I don't dive across counters trying to answer it before voice mail picks up. Don't get me wrong, I am still crazy excited and can hardly wait until our baby comes home, but I'm just not looking at the situation with as rose colored lenses as I did in the beginning. 

Maybe the glisten has dimmed a little due to the fact that we are now on our THIRD caseworker. First we had Summer, but for whatever reason she was asked to step in and help with the pregnancy department and her caseload was too big. So we were traded off to Tandie. We met her once, and saw her int he office the one time we had a match meeting. Then, we call her to ask about a child in the foster system (another post) and she informs us that she has been promoted and we will now be working with Renee. We were assigned to her on December 17-wow, almost a year to the day from that first check. : / It doesn't make you feel real good to be shuffled around. I have definitely questioned whether or not we have been traded because we are unlikable or because they feel we are unmatchable.

Hmmmm, anyway, it's been a long year, but we are not giving up. God works in crazy ways and always provides...so in my heart of hearts, I know He will provide here too.