OK, I have had some time to process and get more information. Joe called our CW to find out what went wrong, I mean the meeting was so great. We had a wonderful connection-or so we thought. Our CW called me back, she was very sad for us, but she is also super supportive and has a way of putting things into a different perspective. She doesn't pull any punches, which is nice, she just tells you how it is. She explained that T opted to look at another family for two reasons 1) she was worried about our marriage, apparently we interrupted each other while speaking. Maybe we did, but we were nervous and also, after being together for so long, couples tend to finish thoughts and sentences for one another. Oh well. 2) she felt our reason for adoption was simply a whim. WHAT?!?! Yeah, people decide on a whim to adopt....ugh! What a punch to the gut. Our CW also said that T is very much on the fence with placing and the facts that she waited so long in the pregnancy to start looking at families and also that she is wavering on families, are very bad signs. We have come to the understanding that it is better to have a small (although it feels huge) hurt now, than to have the pain of losing the baby after a few days. As our CW said, "sometimes GOd's rejection, is really His protection."
I am struggling, my heart hurts and I feel like we really blew it, but I am doing my best into turn to God and just let his mercy wash over me. I know that this was not our one and only opportunity and God will provide, it's just gonna take some time to heal.
This struggle will make us stronger and we will be ok. I just hope and pray that the wait isn't forever long for our next opportunity. I can hardly wait to bring our baby home. I am looking into some outreach opportunities, we plan to "list" with a few other agencies outside of AZ.
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